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0 Why Negative Words Can Stick with Us
We’ve all been there – someone says something hurtful or critical, and those words seem to lodge themselves in our minds, replaying over and over again. It’s a frustrating and painful experience, but it’s also a very common one. Here are some reasons why negative words can have such staying power:
The Power of Emotion
Negative comments often come with a strong emotional charge. Whether it’s anger, sadness, or shame, these emotions can make the words feel more significant and memorable.
The Negativity Bias
As humans, we’re wired to pay more attention to negative information. This “negativity bias” means that we’re more likely to remember and dwell on criticism than praise.
Confirmation Bias
If we already have insecurities or negative beliefs about ourselves, a critical comment can feel like confirmation of those beliefs. We may latch onto the words as “proof” that our fears are true.
15 Strategies for Dealing with Haunting Negative Words
Knowing why negative words stick with us is one thing, but how do we actually deal with them? Here are 15 strategies that can help:
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
Don’t try to push away or ignore the hurt you feel. Acknowledge that the words were painful and that it’s normal to feel upset.
2. Put the Words in Perspective
Consider the source of the negative comment. Was it from someone whose opinion you value, or someone who tends to be critical of everyone? Remember that one person’s words don’t define you.
3. Look for the Lesson
Even harsh words may contain a kernel of truth that you can learn from. Is there something you could do differently in the future, not to please the critic but for your own growth?
4. Practice Self-Compassion
Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you’d offer a good friend. You’re human, and every human makes mistakes and has flaws.
Tip: Try talking to yourself in the third person – “John feels hurt right now” instead of “I feel hurt.” Research shows this can increase self-compassion.
5. Challenge Negative Self-Talk
Notice if you’re internalizing the negative message and beating yourself up. Would you say those same critical things to a friend? Probably not, so don’t say them to yourself either.
6. Focus on Your Strengths
Make a list of your positive qualities, skills, and accomplishments. Dwell on these instead of on the negative words.
7. Surround Yourself with Positivity
Spend time with people who appreciate and support you. Read affirmations, inspiring quotes, or articles about self-esteem.
8. Release Your Feelings
Write down the negative words and how they made you feel. Then rip up the paper, burn it, or bury it as a symbolic way of releasing those feelings.
9. Distract Yourself
When the negative words start replaying, distract yourself with an activity you enjoy or a task that requires concentration.
Tip: Physical activities like exercise or dance can be especially helpful for shaking off negative energy.
10. Talk to Someone
Share your feelings with a friend, family member, therapist, or coach. Getting support and outside perspective can help you process and let go of the negativity.
11. Set Boundaries
If the negative words came from someone who tends to be critical or hurtful, set boundaries with that person. You don’t have to cut them out of your life, but you can limit your interactions or tell them that certain comments are off-limits.
12. Visualize a Shield
Imagine a protective shield around you that deflects negative words. You might visualize hurtful comments bouncing off this shield and away from you.
13. Counter with Affirmations
Come up with positive affirmations that counter the negative message. For instance, if the words made you feel worthless, tell yourself “I am valuable” or “I matter.” Repeat these affirmations regularly.
14. Don’t Demand an Apology
It’s natural to want the person who hurt you to apologize and take back their words. But demanding an apology keeps you focused on the negativity and gives your power away. Work on healing and letting go regardless of whether you get an apology.
15. Practice Forgiveness
Ultimately, try to forgive the person who spoke the negative words, not for their sake but for your own. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you excuse their behavior, but it means you release the pain and anger so you can move on.
Moving Forward
Learning to deal with negative words is an ongoing process. Be patient with yourself as you practice these strategies. Over time, you’ll get better at recognizing negative self-talk, reframing critical comments, and focusing on your strengths. And remember: no matter what anyone says, your worth comes from within you. No one else’s words can diminish your inherent value as a person.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What if the negative words came from someone very close to me?
A: It can be especially painful when hurtful words come from someone you love and trust. In these cases, honest communication is key. Let the person know, calmly and without attacking, how their words affected you. They may not have realized the impact of their comment. If critical remarks are a recurring problem, you may need to set stricter boundaries to protect your well-being.
Q: Is it really possible to forget hurtful words?
A: It may not be possible to completely erase the memory of a hurtful comment. However, with time and practice, the sting of those words will fade. You may never forget what was said, but you can get to a place where the words no longer have power over you or your self-image.
Q: When should I seek professional help for dealing with negative words?
A: If intrusive thoughts about a negative comment are significantly interfering with your daily life or self-esteem, it may be helpful to work with a therapist. A professional can provide additional coping strategies and help you work through any deeper self-esteem issues that the words may have triggered. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help if you feel you need it.
